We’ve all been there. A family member or friend asks for money; you know that this person is irresponsible and you know you’re not getting the money back. You become racked with guilt and against your better judgement, you decide to give in. Or how about this: You’re in a relationship or friendship that’s draining you. You know the best thing to do is walk away, but you don’t want to start over, and you don’t want to move from your comfortable place. So you continue dwelling in a state of misery, all because you don’t want to say “no”. How many other situations in your life can relate to these scenarios? Why is it always so hard to say no when not doing so, hurts us?
Why is it so hard to say 'no' when not doing so, hurts us?
This past week’s Instagram Restored Challenge was inspired by last Sunday’s sermon The pastor talked about how saying “no” to some things in your life can actually save you from a lot of heartache. This is something that I personally struggle with because I’m naturally a people-pleaser and want everyone to be happy. Sometimes it comes at my own expense. This is so important to me that it’s one of my main goals to accomplish this summer. So I put together some strategies to perfect the art of saying “no”.
Let your “No” be “No”. Most times the hardest part of saying “no”, is not in the declaration, but it’s in maintaining the “no”. It’s hard enough to say no in the first place; it becomes impossible when you have to repeat it. Many times when we’ve said no, we often couch it in a lie, or we make excuses. Instead of firmly saying “no”, we say, “I’m busy that day”, or “I’m not sure, I’ll let you know”. Be firm and be clear. That way, there’s no wiggle room. If you already have hesitation when you’re asked or if your gut is warning you against something, then why waste more time? Be confident, trust yourself, and speak up. Once you’re done speaking up, don’t look back.
Don’t Apologize. I always manage to find ways to make myself feel guilty for something. I’m always wondering if I did enough. I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t spend my life worrying about whether or not I made someone feel bad for rejecting them. Truthfully, it’s less a rejection of what they desire, and more asserting myself and doing what is best for ME. You should never apologize for making a wise decision for yourself. Saying “I’m sorry” after you say “no”’ creates a gateway for you to come back around and say yes.
Listen for What’s Next. Saying “no” can be painful. Especially when you have to say “no” to yourself. Walking away from something you’ve invested your time and heart into is incredibly painful. Maybe you’ve invested time and energy into a business venture and it failed, and you had to let it go. Five years ago, I lost all of my savings in a shady real estate deal when I was trying to purchase my first home. I had to evaluate my situation, say “no”, and move on. I’ve never felt that kind of pain..knowing that there was nothing I could do to recover the money that I lost. However, some people stop there in that pain. They dwell in it, and they become consumed in other things to mask it or hide from it. Very few people want to live through it and see it to the end. However, you would never be able to appreciate the beauty that awaits beyond your “no” unless you see it through. If I hadn’t pressed through I would’ve never known the strength I had which helped me rebuild my savings and purchase my first home less than a year later.
Have you ever had a “no” turn into a blessing for you?
- July 21, 2015
- Tiffany A